When I got divorced at 40, the questions I feared most were the ones I had to answer quickly:
Should I keep the house? Can I keep the house?
It was more than just a structure. I had designed it. I had picked every detail. That house held my heart and my history. It felt like the last thing I had control over when everything else was changing.
So I kept it.
And while I’m proud of that decision in some ways, I also now see the emotional weight and financial reality that came with it. There are repairs I still haven’t gotten to. The mortgage is solely mine. And sometimes, I wonder—if I had known what I know now—would I have made the same decision?
In a recent Kiplinger article, a divorced financial adviser said:
Kiplinger “The first stage of divorce isn’t legal — it’s emotional and financial disorientation.”
That was 100% true for me. I wasn’t ready to take on financial empowerment. I just wanted everything to stop spinning. But holding on to the house didn’t fix that.
If you’re facing this decision, here are five questions I wish I had fully explored before deciding:
1. Can I afford the mortgage, taxes, and upkeep on my own?
It’s not just about the mortgage. There are taxes, insurance, and the water heater that breaks on a Saturday night. I didn’t account for any of that. And while I’ve managed, I’ve also had to put off repairs and make trade-offs I hadn’t expected.
2. Will keeping the house delay my financial recovery?
Keeping the house felt like winning—like I was holding onto something stable for my kids and myself. But it came at a cost. Financially, I sacrificed flexibility. Sometimes a fresh start in a smaller space can bring peace in ways I didn’t consider back then.
3. Is the house emotionally supportive—or emotionally draining?
My home was a sanctuary… and a source of stress. I held on for the stability for my kids, but for a long time, it kept me emotionally anchored to a chapter I was trying to turn the page on.
4. How will this impact the rest of my settlement?
I didn’t fully understand what I was giving up to keep the house—nor how tricky refinancing would be afterward. If I had spoken to a Certified Divorce Lending Professional, I would’ve had a much clearer picture.
5. Does this choice support the life I want to build now?
This house was part of my past. I hadn’t yet taken the time to ask myself what I wanted for my future. I just followed the familiar path—like I had for most of my adult life.
My advice?
Don’t let emotion or fear make the decision for you. You can do this. And you don’t have to do it alone.
I created a Home Decision Worksheet with these five questions (plus a bonus question) and space to reflect on what this home really means to you. It’s free, printable, and exactly what I wish I’d had in my own journey.
With empathy and experience,
Megan
